How to make cool sounds in real life!

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How to make cool sounds in real life!
Hailing from Iceland, Southpaw, in his first article for, shows you how to make cool sounds out in the real world.
Many buzz users have tried to use buzz to emulate real world physical instruments (you know, the ones that actually require a talented operator to produce music) but with little success. Some have tried to use Geonik's Plucked String with some heavy distortion to emulate a distorted guitar. Some have used the Kaway to try to create something that sounds like strings. Usually the end results are a bmw that eats up 40%cpu time on my p3-500 and a song that vaguely reminds me of the pet shop boys (they are from hell, I met them there when I was a roadie for Iggy Pop). Needless to say, these experiments don't interest me in any way. The opposite direction is much more interesting (this is why ppl go gay). That's why I embarked on this journey to reproduce buzz sounds in the material world.

Jeskola es9 -> Geonik's expression -> Jeskola reverb
For this I borrowed my sister's cat. I went to the basement with it for the reverb. There I put it in a paper box. Now, at first the cat didn't produce any sounds so I had to shake it a bit. Then it started. "Meeeeeooooooooow". Now, slowly opening and closing the the paper box (depending on the amplitude of the meow) gave me the expression (autowah) effect.

Jeskola bass3 -> Jeskola Filter -> Gapper
For this I borrowed my sister's baby. This baby is always crying so it didn't need any encouragement. For a slight lowpass effect I slowly opened and closed it's nose. Then I used a bottle with warm milk to reproduce the gapper effects using basic in/out movements. The baby cried a steady d-7.

Delta2 -> Amplitude modulator -> Overdrive
For this I borrowed my sister's 12" anal annihilator. I'm really proud of this one, it really sounded like a Delta playing c-5 c-6 c-5 c-6 with a little glide. When a friend of mine was visiting, I took out the annihilator, rubbed som lub on it, pulled my friends pants down and shoved the annihilator as far in as it would go...then I threw the annihilator switch to "Armageddon". At that moment my friend started producing this delta like sound, gliding up and down with heavy and fast amplitude modulation (the annihilator) and some overdrive.

Last but not least I'd like to answer a few questions that I've been getting a lot:

No, we don't live in igloos here in Iceland.
No, my igloo does not have an elevator.
No, polar bears don't eat penguins. That's because penguins live on the southern hemisphere but polar bears on the northern hemisphere.

Eirùæur Fannar Torfason - Southpaw

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